I have felt it from the moment I got pregnant to this very second sitting here in my Lululemon wannabe yoga pants. I am pretty sure I felt it even before one of my eggs was fertilized. I am talkin’ about mom envy. This is not necessarily new territory as various types of envy have at some point crept in and out of my life (fitness guru body envy, independent woman traveling to exotic locations envy, fashion blogger envy, the list really goes on and on). I constantly wonder if all moms feel it at some point during their messy scuffle through motherhood or I am way alone on this. That constant comparison and envy of other moms who (in my eyes) have it all figured out. Their sh*t is so together, I bet their baby has slept through the night since birth, is already reading at an 8th-grade level, and has more followers on Twitter than Beyonce’s twins. Oh, and their six pack abs are back at 3 weeks postpartum? Cool (I am peeking down at my new Jell-O bowl of a tummy).
I whole heartedly blame social media for my obsession over the picture perfect ladies wrangling their 3 kids while looking like a super model. Though these pangs of jealousy would assuredly be there without it, I have slowly come to realize that those tiny square pictures are just that; pictures. How often is someone able to catch a swoon worthy millisecond and add it to their social media page? The answer is always. Behind every millisecond of a picture there is back sweat, a ripped pair of pants, dark circles that no amount of coffee can cure (but a filter sure can) and a baby that loses their sh*t.
How do I know this? Well for one, because I am of course guilty of it. Mostly because I am sure not many of my friends want to see my (handsome, beautiful, amazing, and genius) baby red-faced crying while I trudge through a volcanic diaper blow out in my sweat pants from yesterday and unwashed top knot bun. In the background of an unedited picture, you would see baby toys strewn about, mail stacked on the dinner table, and dishes in the sink. A scene that would likely raise anyone's blood pressure instantly. Social media likes and followings are fueled by the pretty things in life, and lots of behind the scenes are not that pretty to outsiders (even though all these moments are beautiful to ME). The first few weeks of motherhood I wanted so badly to be that picture perfect image of a woman who has easily transitioned into motherhood. Though the transition has been my greatest accomplishment and fulfilled my heart even more than I can understand myself, it was a difficult transition.
This post is in no way meant to shame those moms with a bangin’ Instagram feed. Many mom blogs I read and feeds I follow are candid, honest, and open about what it took to get that flawless picture. I take their posts, tips, and tricks and attempt to apply them in my own motherhood journey. I mean, I am obviously not posting pictures of my up close mom bod, Nash crying after a diap explosion, or me in my pajamas at 11 am scrambling to keep our floors clean. After all, I am human and I enjoy having a creative outlet on social media. I simply wanted to highlight for myself and other new moms that it is literally impossible to be that all around picture perfect woman on the daily. The time you get with that baby is fleeting, and life itself is pretty much fleeting. So why worry about your outward image on a screen when your energy is better spent on snuggling that blob of love you just grew and birthed (up top girl). Don't think because I am writing this that I have overcome mom envy because I feel it. I still constantly remind myself that we are all human, imperfect, and gross sometimes (even you Beyonce). Cheers to you mom, chillin’ in your sweatpants and eating leftover pizza for breakfast. Not a damn thing wrong with that my friend.